I am a consistant nocturnal dreamer.  Sometimes I dream to the point of exhaustion, which makes me think there’s not only an emotional investment made every night but a physical one as well.  Last night’s dream has stuck with me to the point of causing a headache.  The dream’s theme was not an uncommon one.  It involved regrets from the past and attempting to make amends…only to fail miserably.  But, as I actually took time during my commute this morning (as a woman, I CAN perform mental multitasking without causing an accident) to ponder why I conjured up such old material during the night, I realized that it’s never really been about the people involved.  I’ve long since forgiven and forgotten the people, but I haven’t forgiven myself for how I handled the situation. 

Did I learn from my mistakes?  (The incident in question was 14 years ago, yesh!)  Yes.  Have I handled similar situations differently?  Yes.  Then it’s time to let it go.  My biggest concern is that I judge myself too harshly about things that were just a result of my age and immaturity and, as a result, won’t allow my children to be children…and then teenagers…and young adults.

So, perhaps that is the fruit of a fitful night’s sleep and, perhaps, my children will be better for it.

What you see ain’t what you get
Cause you ain’t seen nothin’ yet
What they see ain’t who you are
Cause you’re gonna be a shining star..

Cause I…I, I’m gonna be a beauty!
I’m gonna see God y’all, and I’m gonna be a beauty!
Tell me you believe it

~ Ayiesha Woods
Introducing Ayiesha Woods, 2006